By Michele Dargan

First off, let me say that OLTL has always been my favorite soap opera – always!

But over the past month or two – and I don’t really know how to say this delicately – it’s been one big hot mess!

I am not invested in why any of these characters are doing what they’re doing.

And isn’t that the key ingredient of a good soap?

I’m just saying….

I mean, really. Can anyone tell me ONE storyline on OLTL that is even remotely interesting??

Even the (faux) baby reveal was a letdown – and it just keeps getting worse.

Everybody on earth knew how Stacy (Crystal Hunt) was going to die thanks to the infinite spoilers on the internet…and btw, I try to avoid spoilers at all costs, but there was no dodging that one.

Stacy Morasco (Crystal Hunt) tries to reach her baby before falling through the ice. Photo: Donna Svennevik/ABC

But the drama surrounding the aftermath is really a yawner.

I must say that the writers finally humanized Stacy – right before they killed her off!

That happens so often in soaps….they write a character that is virtually unredeemable and then make the viewers like the character before killing them off.

I did like the fact that Stacy and Gigi (Farah Fath) got their sisterly bond back during the birth of Stacy’s baby.

Gigi, Stacy and the Sierra Rose after the birth. Photo: Keysha McGrady/ABC

And then – poof – Stacy’s dead!

Although is anybody REALLY dead on a soap? Remember, Kim’s boots were gone…

Scott Clifton as Schyler has given some really good performances as he struggled with the realization that he wants to be a father to Sierra Rose.

Now I hear Clifton’s leaving the show. Big loss if that’s true.

I guess that means that maybe Oliver Fish (Scott Evans) finally opens the DNA envelope and realizes that HE is really the father….Just a guess.

Another big loss is Daphnee Duplaix as Rachel. Word is that she’s been let go from the show. She has been a great addition to the show as Nora’s daughter. The onscreen mother/daughter relationship between her and Hillary B. Smith as Nora has been wonderful, not to mention the chem between Duplaix and Terrell Tilford as the luscious Dr. Greg Evans. One thing for sure: Tilford better be staying….I’ve loved watching the evolution of his character.

The whole thing with Jessica almost being raped by her “father” Mitch Laurence (Roscoe Born) AFTER he zapped her memory with electroshock treatments….That could possibly be the WORST storyline in history. Totally repulsive!

Is is me or does it seem that each time Mitch returns to Llanview from the dead that he becomes more and more evil???

Now they have Allison Perkins thrown into the mix lurking around and getting ready to do the work of “The Messenger.”

How many times can they recycle that premise???

And let’s not even get into the fact that now Jessica (Bree Williamson) thinks she’s back in high school pursuing Christian Vega (David Fumero), who’s now a teacher.

Jessica and Christian. Photo: Heidi Gutman/ABC

The only partially saving grace is Williamson’s performances….she is absolutley amazing with every facet of Jessica that she has taken on (Jess/Bess/Tess)…She physically transforms herself into the separate characters. And now she has physically transformed herself back to a high school age girl. Suffice it to say, Williamson is uber talented!

Having said all that, the storyline itself is hard to watch, given the fact that they have essentially broken up Brody (Mark Lawson) and Jessica.

Lawson has also been giving it his all these past few weeks (Love him!) and it’s difficult to watch Brody stand by while Jessica chases after her high school crush.

I think the writers are trying to be cute….but it’s not working for me.

Free Jessica and Brody!!!

Todd (Trevor St. John) and Tea (Florencia Lozano) need to be reunited, because they’re just not as interesting apart from one another.
Now that everyone knows about Dani being Todd’s daughter, why not put the family together and explore the possibilities?

I HATE the fact that Viki and Charlie are splitting….After all these years, Viki FINALLY found love again for what…..five minutes??? Viki (Erika Slezak) and Charlie (Brian Kerwin) are so good together. They need to stay together. Have at least ONE couple on that show that stays together – PLEASE!

And what the heck happened to Moe (John Rue) and Noelle (January LaVoy) ? They were two of the best things to hit that show in a long time. They provided the voice of reason as well as some levity to the show. We need them back, pronto!

Then there’s the Langston cheating on Markko storyline – How much do ya hate THAT one!

Being a Larkko fan, that s/l is the pits!

It’s so predictable….Langston hooks up with a player who’s just using her for sex.

And now they bring in Cole’s study pal, who just happens to be the jilted lover of said player. It may be remotely interesting if she decides to seek revenge on him….

As far as John (Michael Easton) and Natalie (Melissa Archer) getting back together….I love those two together and have always been a big Jolie fan….BUT I’m not liking HOW they’re getting them back together. The storyline is just sleazy with Natalie having just lost Jared. And John and Natalie, to me, are above that. Especially since Marty (Susan Haskell) is now preggers.

Which brings me to the top of the heap of reasons WHY I’m not liking OLTL….the Kim marrying Clint storyline. It’s totally nauseating….really.

Multi-billionaire Clint Buchanan (Jerry ver Dorn) marrying an ex-stripper?? Seriously???

Is this the best they can do?

Word on the internet is that Amanda Setton, who plays Kim Andrews, chose not to renew her contract. So she will be leaving the show.

But I still don’t get why we’re even watching this storyline.

The only reason that I can think of (yet another recycled storyline) is they are trying to recreate the Asa/Renee storyline in the sense that Renee was an ex-madam.

Is this really why they destroyed Clint and Nora’s marriage?

Oh no, that’s right.

They had Nora cheat on Clint with his brother and her former husband Bo (Robert S. Woods) in order to reunite Bo and Nora, whom I absolutely adore.

Clint, Nora and Bo. Photo: ABC

What I don’t adore is the way they got them back together….No matter now…water under the bridge.

Bo and Nora ARE iconic and so much fun to watch.

Trouble is…..where the hell are they?

Since Bo and Nora got back together, we hardly see them at all. They’re only used to prop the other storylines!

As an aside, Hillary B. Smith has established a charity to benefit pet owners who cannot afford medical care for thier beloved animals. The Willie-Coppee Fund is auctioning some of her memorabilia to benefit that cause. Click here to find out more.

So here’s what we need to do on OLTL….

Let’s push this baby daddy story to the side…..get Jessica and Brody back together…reunite Viki and Charlie…bring back Moe and Noelle…

And PLEASE give Bo and Nora a frontburner, sink-your-teeth-into storyline that we can care about!

Have soap opera storylines always dragged on for what seems to be FOR-EVER??
I know it seems like a rhetorical question – because, historically, that is sort of the nature of the beast.
However…..
It seems like these days, soap storylines r-e-a-l-l-y d-r-a-g on much l-o-n-g-e-r than I remember from, say, the 70’s or 80’s.
At least as far as I can recollect.
Case in point.
The baby swap storyline on One Life To Live, where Bess, Jess’s alter, switched Jess’s stillborn baby with Starr’s live one.
I thought (for a fleeting moment) that when Natalie and Jared discovered the truth, they would spill what they know and everything would be right with the world.
But, no-o-o-o-o.
So I ask…..How LONG will this go on?
Judging from the photo below, it looks like at least until the christening.
chloechristening.jpg
ABC/DONNA SVENNEVIK
If I remember correctly – going back a few years – there was that crossover baby swap storyline on OLTL and AMC when Paul Cramer stole Babe’s son on AMC and transported him to OLTL and gave the baby to his sister Kelly so that she could pass him off as her own.
And she did for about a year as I remember.
Oh how I hope this doesn’t go on that long.
And then there’s the matter of Stacy passing herself off as Shane’s bone marrow donor, blackmailing Gigi to break up with Rex and making Roxy go along with the aforementioned blackmail or she will reveal the identity of Rex’s father.
HOW long has the “Who’s Rex’s Daddy?” storyline been going on, anyway?
So long that I can’t remember when it started. When will that reveal happen? It doesn’t seem like anytime in the near future.
And if his father is Mitch Laurence then I’m really not looking forward to the havoc that revelation will wreak.
I hate to say it, but I knew that when we left Gigi (Farah Fath) on Friday – supposedly getting ready to spill her guts to Jessica about her secret with Rex secretly listening in – that something would stop her from confessing the truth.
rex eavesdropping.jpg
Rex eavesdropping
But, on some level, as I was listening to her Monday getting almost to the point of no return, I was hoping that I was wrong, because I so want the secret of Stacy’s blackmail to come out.
(Me and everybody else on the planet!)
So, yeah, I was distressed to say the least when Rex burst into the kitchen before Gigi could get to the truth.
And what really ticked me off that he was defending Stacy!
Ugh! I can see where this is going!
Even though this storyline hasn’t really been on our screens very long, it seems like an ETERNITY because I so can’t stand Stacy.
stacy.jpg
Please OLTL writers…..release us from this misery and get Rex and Gigi back together ASAP and expose Stacy for who – and what she is!
Unfortunately, I have a feeling, this isn’t happening anytime soon…..

I’ve been having this love/hate relationship with One Life To Live lately.
First of all, there’s been WAY too much sadness and doom and gloom,…i.e. Wes killed, Blair stabbed, Matthew paralyzed, Cole arrested and hooked on drugs.
Then there’s poor Shane fighting Leukemia.
shanecancer.jpg
It doesn’t get much sadder than that.
And let’s not forget Starr and Cole thinking that their baby is dead, when, in reality, Bess switched Jess’s dead baby with Starr’s live one. So Starr’s baby, Hope, is living under her nose as Jess’s baby Chloe….Whew!
Although….Now Jared and Natalie know the truth, so it will definitely come out. The question is – how long will it take for them to spill. I really, really like them both – separately and together.
Then, to top it all off, there’s the despicable Stacy Morasco, who would let her nephew die if she doesn’t get what she wants – namely Rex!
stacy.jpg
She is leveraging Shane’s life against Gigi’s willingness to give up Rex.
Stacy is one cold, evil bee-otch!
What I can’t figure out is how she will donate her bone marrow, when, in fact, it’s the mysterious comatose man – aka Rex’s father – who is really the match.
Another hmmm.
btw, I’m going out on a limb about Rex’s father.
l think it’s Mitch Laurence.
I mean, who else could be so evil that Roxy wouldn’t want Rex to know…..
Yeah. In my book, it has to be Mitch, who’s supposedly dead.
On the upside of things, I’m liking the Brody-Jessica pairing! Mark Lawson and Bree Williamson are great together and I would like to see more of that….
But I’m wondering – judging from the previews – if Brody will swoop in to rescue Gigi from her diabolical sister and put his relationship with Jess in jeopardy….hmm. Hope not!
Then again, Jess/Tess/Bess, has a whole set of issues to deal with…
Can you say integration?
But, for me, Friday’s ending made my whole week.
I Love the fact that Tea is switching sides against Todd. Love It!
And I particularly loved the surprise ending in court, when John McBain (Michael Easton) stood up [dramatic pause] and said he was Blair’s new husband.
johnmcbain.jpg
Oooo La La!
This presents a whole new realm of possibilities, that I, for one, am looking forward to.
Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride!